Jake’s abrupt departure had left her alone with her thoughts. Hannah had never imagined that when she arrived at his home to spend time with him things would go so completely downhill. She went from hope to a complete and utter despair in a matter of moments. That had not been how things were supposed to end. She didn’t try and stop him from leaving though. She knew she’d eventually have to return to his house. Her car was still parked there. At the moment, she couldn’t bring herself to move much less to think about returning there and possibly have to face him again. Jake didn’t want to see her and she didn’t want to see him. It was all a little much. She picked up her phone debating texting Bianca, Eli or even Liam to come get her but she left the message unsent, pocketing. She didn’t want to disrupt their lives. Bianca was probably off somewhere with Drew or resting. She didn’t need the added stress of this and she wasn’t ready to hear how she’d been right. Then there was Eli who she hadn’t spoken to in days. He had his own things that he was sorting through and she didn’t want to burden him. Liam. Liam would likely murder Jake for making her cry and she didn’t want to responsible for that. The fact was that she wasn’t sure that she really even wanted to go anywhere or be near anyone. She pushed herself up from the swings, moving toward nowhere in particular. Even though it felt like time had stopped it was still moving. She needed to move. Where was there to go anymore though? It all seemed so pointless and trivial. Why should she bother to go anywhere if she was just doomed to end up there alone? That’s all life was. It was a series of disappointments leading to an inevitable moment where she was going to be alone.
The worst part was that she saw what everyone said. They didn’t even pretend to care about her feelings or how she might feel. Their words haunted her, made her sick to her stomach. She wanted to hurl and she wasn’t sure if it was the things that she knew they were saying or would say or if it was the fact she was completely cried out. She wasn’t good enough for any of them. She was never going to be good enough either. Their expectation was that she was this smart girl who was supposed to her math books and school. She was never meant to mean anything more to anyone. They all knew how worthless she was and now Jake knew it too. That was why they were so adamant that he pursue Saint Clare Edwards. It was revolting really. Hannah resented the fact everyone saw her as so perfect. She didn’t understand why everyone was in love with her or the fact Jake acted like she was an allergy but Clare was was a cure. She resented him for ever coming back to Toronto or giving her the time of day. She resented him stopping her from running away. It paled in comparison to how much she absolutely hated Clare. She couldn’t hate him though. Not even now. Not even as her heart was completely shattering and she felt like she couldn’t go on.
She let out another sob, losing her ability to control it anymore. She was staggering a bit to try and keep herself moving. Jake. Jake. Her heart was completely and irreparably broken. His words kept replaying in her head and the look on his face when she’d brought up how she wasn’t his mother filled her head. She hadn’t meant it the way he’d taken it. He always took the things she said the wrong way. He always took her actions the wrong way. She didn’t understand why he couldn’t stop and listen. Why did he have to hate her so much? Why did he have to abandon her like this? Why had he led her on for so long and let her dream of a happy ending if this was how it was going to end? His stupid smile and the feel of his lips was forever stuck in her mind. She kept playing it back in her head and she just couldn’t see how something that had started with so much potential could go so wrong. The only conclusion she could find was that she was defection. She wasn’t pretty enough. She wasn’t good enough. The fact she wasn’t good enough was a fact she kept telling herself in her head. She wasn’t. She was never going to be. She didn’t want to face her peers ever again but she knew she couldn’t face him again. It couldn’t happen if it meant watching him prance around the hall doing all the things she’d wanted to do with him with some other girl.
She heard people in the distance but she didn’t care to look up. She didn’t want to see anyone. She didn’t care if people saw her, mascara running down her cheeks and looking like complete shit. Her flaming red curls was everywhere. Her chaotic thoughts were disrupted by someone grabbing at her purse roughly, shoving her hard toward the cement walkway. Her blood shot eyes opened, returning to reality long enough to look around her and to push back. She was surrounded and she didn’t know where she was. She didn’t know the faces. They were older by maybe a few years. She had nothing else to lose and she didn’t want to give up what little she did have, kicking hard at her assailant. He grimaced and yelled as she made impact. The others moved in as she started to bolt. She tripped on her own feet and met the ground hard, crying as she was jerked back up by her red hair.
“What sort of idiot lets a girl walk around alone at night?” one of them said as the one with her hair tugged her back. She was squirming to try and get away. She was not going to answer them. She bit her lip until it bled, trying to decide where to move from here. She had no idea where she was anymore. Her mind tried to race back to where she’d been and where she’d walked but it all came up blanks. All she could do was prayer that if she screamed loud enough someone would hear her and come save her from this. She let out a blood curling scream before starting to scream Jake’s name over and over again until her throat was raw. Maybe he hadn’t gone far. Maybe he was still watching. Maybe he could save her. His name even when it brought her so much pain was the only one she felt could save her from this. Her faith plummeted as another one of them approached and backhanded her. “When we talk to you, you answer, “ he barked harshly before he plucked her purse completely off her and started to dump out the contents, pocketing anything of value.
The taste of blood and the agonizing pain of a broken nose told her that the punch had been hard. Her brain started to throb almost instantly as she struggled to even stay alert. Her green eyes moved in and out of focus. They were taking everything. Through her foggy vision she saw one of them rip off a keychain from her purse, beads flying everywhere. Liam’s little brother had made it for her months ago. A quiet plead of ‘no’ escaped her lips. She had so little fight left but she was still clawing and fighting to escape them and to escape this. Her fingers felt bloody, she was certain she’d broken a few nails. She was only still on her feet because of the hand jerking her hair. Her dropped her harshly against the ground again. Their words were starting to move out of focus. She could hear them arguing over what to do with her. She heard something familiar in the background, something she’d heard in movies but in that instant she couldn’t place it. But then she felt something hard in back. She didn’t have time to think before the trigger was pulled. Complete and utter shock filled her every form as she collapsed harder into the ground, her head making full impact with the ground. She gasped for breathe as their footsteps and voices moved away from her. She could see house lights turning on the distance before it became too hard to keep her eyes open. Everything felt wet. She felt like she was drowning. Her eyes closed shut unable to bear the pain anymore and soon she gave way to complete and utter unconsciousness.
After a week of only really talking to him on the phone minus a rare skype date, Hannah really did miss Jake. She’d been legitimately concerned about him when he was sick and she’d missed actually seeing him at school, parties and everywhere else when she’d gotten home. Cuba had been a complete bust once he left. It didn’t help that she’d ended up sick as well and she’d spent the majority of it dealing with the end of Bianca and Owen’s relationship. Then when she got home, everyone seemed to find new relationships and while everyone else was off happily enjoying the fruits of fresh, exciting relationships she was left to wonder where things were going to go when Jake felt better. She had butterflies in her stomach as she changed out of her school clothes and into something more appropriate for hanging out with him. It wasn’t much — just a pair of shorts and a loose fitting top. She also put on her vans. She let her curly red hair do what it wanted and she only added a little makeup including a dab of her perfume. She only needed a quick glance in the mirror for confirmation that she was looking okay before she took off toward her car shooting him a text to let him know she was on the way.
The drive over to Jake’s was familiar and short. It almost felt weird to be going back there again after so many days without being there. She checked herself out once more in the mirror before popping a mint and making her way to the door. She knocked a few times, anxiously. She still wasn’t sure what there plan was for today. She’d debated swimming or grabbing her bike and they could go somewhere that there was a bike path. Strangely she didn’t feel compelled to do any big things. Maybe it was the fact her body had been recovering from a hangover for the majority of the day or maybe it was just the fact it had been so long since she actually got to see him that she was okay with sitting around listening to some music or watching a movie. She was okay just getting to know him more. She liked him most when he let down the wall and let her really get to know him. That moment in her room laughing over his love of country music. That has been perfect. She wanted more of those moments. Her heart swelled at the memory and she was definitely smiling as she knocked on his door. She braced herself for anything. Everything. She didn’t know what to expect from anything anymore. She still had hope though and that was all she needed.
Fed up and tired didn’t even begin to cover for it. Hannah had been falsely attacked enough for one day and she didn’t want to deal with it anymore. She just wanted to be around some one that she knew her and wasn’t going around thinking things that weren’t even remotely true. The drama was too much for her to deal with at the moment and maybe it was starting to process in her head that maybe if all of her friends thought she was being treated in a way that she didn’t deserve that maybe she was. She was tired of sitting around and playing nice and hoping that one day Jake Martin was going to come to his senses and see her for what she really was which was a nice, smart, beautiful girl who liked him. She’d been patient with him being sick. She’d defended him tirelessly against her friends and anyone else who dared say he was a jerk. She’d been completely and utterly loyal to him. All she got was him complaining, whining and trusting people who didn’t even begin to know the first thing about her. She closed her laptop and pushed him out of her mind as she shoved on skirt and a tank top with a pair of vans. She was completely ready to go out and forget about all of it. Liam wasn’t going to let her wallow even if she tried. She didn’t want to anymore. She wanted to go have a good time.
She made her way downstairs, waving at her parents who were in the middle of dinner. “Going out to see that Jake guy?” her father asked. She closed her eyes for a minute, breathing in and then out before she opened her eyes again to reply. “Actually no, I’m going out with Liam. We’re going to a festival downtown. I’ll probably be out late.” It was the subtle way that she meant she probably wasn’t coming home and if she did they probably wouldn’t want to see her. She intended to drink. She didn’t really allow herself to be sloppy drunk often but she trusted Liam and she knew one way or another she’d be okay when she woke up the next day. “Remember it’s a school night,” her mom said making a face at her that seemed to be warning that if she was hungover it wasn’t going to be a valid excuse to skip out on class the next day. Hannah nodded and left them with that. She didn’t really think anyone needed to know much more about it. She smiled as she made her way toward the street, standing outside Liam’s house waiting for him to come join her. They had a bit of a walk to the bus station to get to town but she didn’t really care. At the moment, keeping her red hair out of her face with the wind was her first priority.
Hannah felt her mood sinking more and more as the day went on. The previous night had taken a lot out of her. She hated fighting with Jake more than she hated feeling like he didn’t like her. Now she was in the doghouse and she knew it. She’s seen the inside of his head enough to know he was just being a stubborn at the moment though. If there was something serious going on, he would have been there. He’d risked his life to stop her from leaving town the night before and no matter how mad he was that had to mean something. Everything kept playing over and over in her head like a bad record. She spent the most of the day looking at picture of facerange. She turned into a mess every time she came across one of them smiling or laughing together at a party or if they were both in a candid shot and she saw his eyes looking at her. He’d said he didn’t hate her but was wanting some space to think and she had to give it to him no matter how badly she just wanted to make up. Waiting it out was going to be hard. There was at least a number of friends that would more than willingly keep her distracted though and for that she grateful. She shoved on a pair of jeans and an old strokes shirt, pulling her red hair into a messy ponytail before driving over to Eli’s.
She wasn’t sure when Eli had transitioned from being Clare’s ex-boyfriend to her friend but it had happened. The early days of the friendship had been odd because she’d struggled to find balance in who side she wanted to be on. As things progressed, she knew which side she tended to lean on. There was only so much drama that she could withstand and frankly this side tended to be the one with the least drama involved in it. She parked her car outside of the house, hitting the keylock to make sure it was secure after grabbing her bags and moving to the door. She was greeted by a face she’d only seen once or twice in passing which she knew to be his mother. “Hello Mrs. Goldsworthy,” she said with a smile, opting to be as friendly as possible. Her aim was always to leave the right impression with parents and she didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about her. “Eli and I had plans tonight. Hope you don’t mind.” She felt like for a minute she was being examined but after a long moment, she saw his mother smile and nod, “I do believe I’ve heard nice things about you, Bananarama Hannah. Make yourself at home. Eli’s room is — well, I figure you’ve been here before when I was out and know that— You crazy teenagers and your parties. So tame compared to the one’s I attended back in the day.”
Hannah couldn’t help but smile as she made her way past and toward Eli’s room. She felt a little weird about not announcing her presence some other way. She was too busy contemplating her new nickname. Of course, it would have banana in it. It different than Hannah Banana though so she could at least live with that. She tried to push back all the other conversations she’d had today that weren’t helping her frame of mind in the least. In a way, she felt like if there was anyone who would understand not wanting to think about something it would be Eli. Her long fingers tightened around the door knob, twisting it and turning it to open not sure what to expect. The sound of Dead Hand blasting comforted her in a way and she made her way closing the door silently behind her. She moved over sitting on the edge of his bed. “Still working on the greatest play Degrassi has ever seen, Clyde?” she asked curiously. She felt a laugh escape her throat and she wasn’t sure how sincere it was at the moment. It was just natural impulse. She felt like it was appropriate. She didn’t much feel like laughing at the moment but she was going to laugh and smile until it was real. She was going to enjoy her day and she wasn’t going to spend her day crying alone in her room. It was what she wanted to do but it wasn’t going to happen.
The mixture of words stung and she felt the tears burning across her cheeks. She didn’t think twice as she started to shove things a bag, blindly grabbing clothes and possessions that she couldn’t bear to leave behind into her bookbag. She didn’t need much. She knew just knew that she needed to get far away. Nothing else seemed to matter at the moment. Her red hair was a mess, going everywhere as she shoved on a top and some jeans. She had rubbed at her face furiously to try and piece herself together long enough to go down the stairs. Her keys were clutched in her hands. She could hear her parents laughing over dinner. Her mother was talking about the eighteen hour delivery she’d dealt with yesterday as her dad laughed. She could hear the soft sound of the news on the television underneath their conversations. She watched the back of their heads for a long moment from behind the sofa for a moment, trying to hold back the tears she was suppressing. She felt the slightest tremble wake through her body as he mother must have heard her footsteps. “Hannah, you should join us,” she said. Hannah forced a smile that even the biggest skeptic might have believed. It was any wonder she hadn’t been discovered by the drama club yet. “I can’t, Mom. I’m going to study at Liam’s house,” she said going with the first name she could think of. It wasn’t an unlikely story. He lived down the street. They had classes together and they’d known each other for a while. They weren’t going to go fact checking anytime soon. “Oh well, be safe and make sure you lock up when you get back,” she said.
Hannah did not wait much longer. She moved onward toward the door pausing only when she was outside of it to lean against the hard wood and let out the breath she’d been holding in. She took her keys and shoved them in the garden. Taking her car wasn’t an option. Liam’s house was too close and they’d wonder why she didn’t just walk. The bus station was only a few blocks away and she needed the time to think anyways. She forced feet to move one step at a time, onward down the road. She stopped at a mailbox to put a letter in the mail. Money for Owen. She didn’t want him to think she’d broken her responsibility to him. It wasn’t as if she ever intended to face anyone again but it was like closing the door on her life. Jake had called her scary to Owen. He’d told her as much when he’d messaged her and it turned into an advice session. Everyone thought she was wrong and crazy. The word crazy stuck out like a sore thumb. She felt sick every time she thought about it. She was trying to look out for herself and all she’d done it make people think less of her. She hated herself. She hated the person she’d allowed her teenage hormones to turn her into. She didn’t honestly know if she could live with herself. She was a coward though. She wanted to set them free from her and the only way she could do it without harming herself was to run away from it all. She could go somewhere and maybe the pieces would just fall into place for her to just disappear.
She arrived at the bus station after a few moments. She wasn’t honestly sure where there was to go. She had a little money saved up for rainy day but without her debit card she wasn’t going to make it too far. It didn’t really matter though. Her green eyes scanned the schedule and there wasn’t another one from here until the morning. She was going to be stuck waiting it out. She sighed as she made her way over to a bench, shoving her hands in her hands. There was a homeless person nearby strumming on a guitar. She didn’t know the song but it didn’t begin to comfort her like music usually did. She felt hollow and alone. She was terrified. Her phone beeped in her pocket and she sighed as she saw she had a message. Jake. Of course, it was from Jake. She typed a response a few times but found herself struggling to know what to tell him. Her hand was shaking as she finally managed a response. It was going to be a long night and maybe if she got lucky she wouldn’t be there in the morning. If she was, she supposed she’d figure it out from there. She shoved her earbuds in her ear, letting some music drift into her ear before settle across a stretch of seats. There was no going home from here.
Hannah was fairly sure she’d made it home from school in record time. She felt unsurprisingly satisfied knowing her dad had just left to head to work and her mom had a delivery due so she’d be at the hospital the majority of the night. She raced up the stairs, stripping free from the bland uniform to get a quick shower. With a towel wrapped around her, she went downstairs to get the food started coming back to her room to try and tame her wild red curls and put on fresh makeup. She slipped her new skirt and a top on, opting to go barefoot instead of hunting down shoes. She had only gotten a pedicure a few days ago and her feet still looked perfect. She felt satisfied as she hurried back to continue her work in the kitchen. She’d stolen her mother’s recipe book and started planning as soon as she knew she was going to cook. She didn’t actually tend to do a whole lot of it but she was pretty good at it. Of course, the ultimate plan was for him to not pay attention to the food. Hello. New outfit. Soft, smooth skin. Extremely groomed. Minty fresh breath. She had promised the boy food though and she was pretty sure he intended to actually eat. She intended to make sure he got it.
The irony of the stolen recipe book was that she’d started to think about all the random criteria. In the end, she opted to make homemade pizza. It was something she did with her family sometimes. She didn’t know which toppings he’d want so she just cut a bunch of random one and had the dough and everything else ready. All she needed to do was add them on top and shove it in the oven. Maybe they could bond over picking out what they wanted on top of it. She was pretty open-minded about it after all. In the oven, she’d made her grandmother’s famous strawberry cobbler and she knew there was some ice cream in the fridge somewhere. She was prepared to go into more extensive cooking if he was still hungry after all of that. She pulled the cobbler out to cool, covering it as she waited to hear an unfamiliar engine outside or perhaps the doorbell. She hoped Jake wouldn’t keep her waiting for too long. She fussed with her hair in front of a mirror as she waited though, wondering if she ought to take a picture and text it to a friend for a second opinion. The idea was so lame that she decided against it. There was really no point getting too worked up about this, right? “Hannah Belmont, get your act together,” she muttered to herself, refusing to go check out the questions people were asking because she didn’t really want to know if he was admitting to having feelings for someone else right now.
Jake Martin; someone we currently are in need of in our roleplay group. Make him your own, have him be the chicken lover that we all have come to know. Whatever you wish, just make every moment count.
We want you and your #JakeMartinSwag in our RP.